So I am all for self love and recognising your worth, but I am also big on being real. I am pretty hopeless at a lot of things…here are a few of them:
- I can seem quite hopeless and slack sometimes, when upsetting things happen I tend to resort to my shell (typical Cancerian, I did this when Amaya was in the NICU). I don’t know why, even I think it is silly, but I do it.
- Christmas shopping. Every year I say that I am going to be more organised, yet I fail. I bought Amaya’s first Christmas present tonight.
- Time management, woah I am bad at this one. Teina is the king of time management, whereas I have pretty much no ability what so ever to guesstimate how long something will take…therefore, I am always late.
- I am so forgetful. (I am looking at you Chantel McInnes). It wasn’t pregnancy brain. I am still forgetful and I was before I was pregnant too, it just got worse when I was pregnant and has not improved. Will it ever?
Basically, you get the idea. I recognise my flaws. I am no fool, I know exactly what I am like. I think I have always had a fair idea of who I was, but it has become a lot clearer in the last few years. I literally cannot even fake a hello to someone that I don’t like. Call me a bitch, but I am super proud of how authentic I have become. If I don’t like you, I won’t harm you, I just will not bother with you. I also don’t dislike people easily, so I always have my reasons, and they are damn good ones.
Some people that I have come across on my journey have no idea who they are and what they are like. They have lost touch with reality. Some of these people quite literally bitch and complain about themselves, but put the blame on others – “I hate when she does that…”, um…you do that. ALL.THE.TIME. They are actually talking about themselves, they just don’t know it yet.
I really think that it is vital that we get to know ourselves and what we are all about before we reproduce. How can I guide Amaya when I literally have no idea what is going on? I thank my family, my friends and travel. I really do believe that I sifted through the riff raff at a young age and found the diamonds. I have kept these diamonds and I tell you what, they shine brighter as the years go by. I am so grateful for the friends that I have had for years, they have liked me in times where I did not know who I was, in times where I was sad (a lot of these diamonds get uncomfortable when people cry…and I do that a lot. I have made shit really awkward at times. Except for when I cry in movies, they tend to find that hiiiiilarious!). I have had so many shady characters in my life over the years and my friends have put up with each and every one of them, for me. My friends listen to my endless concerns and have spent hours on the phone as I go over the same shit, trying to work it out in my head.
Basically, I never knew this about myself, until this year…but I can be a bit of a lousy friend at times. I used to try and keep everyone happy, but in the end I started sacrificing my own happiness to keep others happy, as well as giving away more energy than I had. This year I have had so much energy drawn out of me, but my friends have all still been there for me. Even when I literally have nothing left to give.
I know that it isn’t the new year yet, but this is my new years resolution.
To be the best Mum I can be, I have to save my energy and only disperse of it wisely. I am going to try my best, to be the best friend I can be to my diamonds (you know who you are), as I truly would be utterly lost without them.
Take care of your girlfriends, because you need them more than you know and will need them in the future. You will need your friends when you have a baby, as they will be able to guide you if they have already had babies, drink wine with you and just listen to you. Sometimes all you need is someone to listen.
Tell a girlfriend how much you appreciate them today, because we are all in this together ❤ Xx