A few weeks ago I left Amaya in the safe hands of my parents and I returned to work two days a week. The first two weeks were a struggle, I seriously wondered how I ever worked full time! I was bloody wrecked. It’s amazing how quickly your brain/body adapts to your new activities (of course unless it’s fitness, that shit takes forever. Laziness tho…instant!) I joke, I joke. Being a Mum is rough, you are always on the go, it is very hard to be a lazy parent. Although, they are out there…before anyone jumps down my throat, ask me next time you see me and I can tell you some pretty quality stories. Coke in baby bottles. Coffee in a child’s water bottle. Anyway, I am trying to find compassionate Bree, have you seen her? Maybe don’t ask me about those stories…well…you can, but also ask me how I have found compassion towards these parents. And making a coffee for your child isn’t lazy, it’s more work than filling it up with water…anyyyyway, being a Mum has made me more compassionate in areas that I am surprised at (…and sometimes less compassionate in socially acceptable areas, hence why I am looking for compassionate Bree). I think becoming a Mum has sent me more off into the land of emotional reactions purely based on current emotions. When that Mumma killed her baby last year and dumped her body in a creek (ok, I was shocked at how I wrote that too, but struggling to find more gentle words and the baby is going to wake up soon! Running.Out.Of.Time!!!). I was all like “Oh no. Their life must have been terrible. Imagine how bad it was, for her to think her daughter was better off dead. I feel so sorry for that woman. No one would kill their child unless they thought they were better off dead.” I think my brother thought I had well and truly lost my marbles, as he obviously doesn’t have his little Mumma cap on. I not only have my Mumma cap on these days, but it has to sit on top my cancerian cap, that I have worn all my life. They are a fun combo, let me tell you. I see Amaya in like every animal I see and can’t bare to watch any Facebook videos on animals or babies being hurt. I could barely get through them dry-eyed pre-Mumma cap, but let me tell you, I don’t watch Facebook videos in public for good reason.
The Mumma cap never comes off. Even when I am sans Amaya. I am a different educator, because I wear my Mumma cap to work (duuuh, I wear it bloody everywhere!). Becoming a Mum has changed the core of my soul, and I am glad it did. To be a Mum is an absolute blessing.
To leave Amaya with my parents so I can go educate and care for other little people, seems so ridiculous. But even tho I am working with children, it is children other than Amaya. I find that having a ‘break’ from Amaya has made me a better Mum. I am more patient and I appreciate our Mummy/Amaya days. Amaya on the other hand, I am not so sure has such a positive view on our new routine. Unfortunately, we cannot spend every moment together, that’s life – but it is still a little heartbreaking.