Teina is still away. This has been a very long two weeks for us, we miss him terribly (three fricken sleeps!). I miss his company, but I also really miss knowing that I have back up. Someone I can offload Amaya to when he gets home and not feel guilty about it. Someone to help me at dinner/bath/bottle time, everyday.

Tonight Amaya shit front to back (spilling out of the nappy) at the same time that she had too much food in her mouth, gagged and vomited. ALL over herself. It was horrid. For me, not for her – immediately after she vomited, she did her funny little dance that she does when she waves her arms around in the air. Absolutely no fucks given. I am so grateful that she is so laid back and overall, she is a really good baby, but doing it solo is a tough gig.

As wonderful as my parents are, they aren’t always available to help me at the times that I need help the most, plus – Amaya is not their responsibility. And I feel that. I can’t expect them to help me, like I expect Teina to. I can’t expect them to give me a break, like I can expect Teina to. It’s just not that same.

Some people may find caring for a baby on their own, so super easy. But not me. Her rolling over when I am trying to change her nappy/dress her, irritates me (so now throw vom and poo into the mix with a rolling baby…yeah…what a hoot!). The fact that she thinks that is so funny, also frustrates me, because that tells me that it’s not going to stop anytime soon. The rest of the day, I cope quite well. Between 5 – 6:30pm is hard to do on your own, especially now because she doesn’t just stay in one spot when you put her down. This can also work in my favour, as I put her down and while she crawls from her room to the bathroom for her bath (yes, she really is a very good girl) I run around and get her towel, her face washer and meet her beside the bath, just in time for her arrival.

So the other night, I needed a break, so I took some time out to chat to an old friend on the phone for three hours (eeppp, I talk a lot). I crawled into bed at around midnight and Amaya woke up around midnight. Amaya was then awake until 2:50am – happy – just chatting away, squealing, waving, trying to repeat things I was saying – it was so odd. Amaya has never been that awake before during the night. Usually a cuddle and/or bottle send her back to dreamland within minutes, but not this morning. I was actually thinking that it was like she possessed. I don’t know if her brain was doing some serious development stuff, but she looked wired. Needless to say, then when she awoke at 7:30am (at least she slept in, right!) I was wrecked. Lesson learnt. The following day was pretty good, I don’t often struggle during the day (besides being tired if I don’t get enough sleep!), Amaya is a pretty awesome babe. Witching hour takes it out of me and then come Amaya’s bedtime, I  can’t wait to get her bottles etc. done, so I can have some time to myself.

Every night it is a battle between ‘me’ time & sleep. Tonight I am choosing sleep, as who knows if we will have another party time at midnight.

I wish you all lots of sleep!

B Xo

P.S. So many other Mumma’s have offered me support and advice on how to do this parenting gig solo! Don’t be afraid to ask for help! There is a whole sisterhood (or…Mother…hood…?) out there, all you need to do is reach out!