My good friend/sister-in-law asked me this yesterday. It definitely made me think. Would I say myself? I don’t think it would even occur to me to say myself. That tells me everything I need to know about my relationship with myself in this present moment.
I often begin writing blogs but delete them, in fear of offending or hurting someones feelings. All of my blogs are meant to help not hurt. But in saying that, sometimes I think we can be a little sensitive (If you know me, then you know how sensitive my Cancerian ass can be!).
Being a Mum is a tough gig, you are always questioning your decisions or reflecting on how you handled a situation – the last thing you need is to feel like you are being judged by others as well. But are we always being judged when we think we are? I have often seen women genuinely trying to help another Mother, only for the mother receiving advice to bitch & moan when the woman leaves. I have also noticed that we can easily hate on another Mother when things are going smoothly for her. Wait, are we only ‘in this together’ when we are struggling? We can’t celebrate ones achievements or proud moments?
If that’s the case, then I want out.
Jealousy has always been a foreign concept to me. Amaya has only rolled twice, so will I get the shits with every other Mother who is super proud that their baby is now rolling? Amaya is seven months old but is on the smaller side of a four month old baby so everyone looks at me weird when I tell them her age, shall I hate on every mother who had a full term baby? No fucking way.
What the fuck happened?
When did we all become so ridiculous and jealous?
I call Amaya ‘Amazing Amaya’ – I do think she is amazing, I think all children are amazing, but I started calling her this when I sat by her cot day in & day out during our NICU journey. I make the choice to think that she is amazing just like I make the choice to think I am amazing, because over the years I have worked damn hard on my relationship with myself. As much as I have my moments of self doubt (since having Amaya I have struggled to find time for myself), I always know that I am a good person and that I have only love in my heart. I know that I would never intentionally do anything to harm my baby in any way. I am human and I am going to make mistakes. Just like you. And you know what – that’s ok. I know that there are Mum’s out there that refuse to admit that Motherhood can be tough, it’s such a breeze and they love every single second of it. That may be the case and bloody good on them if it is, but most of the time it has a lot to do with their relationship with themselves and their confidence in their abilities (I send love to these women as they need it the most). I love Amaya and I feel so blessed, but I will admit my struggles as much as my triumphs. That does not mean that I love her any less or do not realise how blessed I am to have her. As I mentioned before, I have worked damn hard on my relationship with myself and because I am an extremely emotional person, it is forever a work in progress.
We all get our crazy on when we hear of a Mother making someone feel like a ‘shit Mum’. But what about a Mother making another Mother feel like shit for being a ‘good Mum’? (Edit: I am not referring to gloaters, people who talk about how amazing their child is because they want to show off, not because they believe in building a child’s confidence and showing them how to love themselves).
I definitely have the ability to be to made to feel like a shit Mum, but not as easily as some. I have confidence in the way I Mother. I fall off that horse, especially with sleep, but I get the fuck back on. Yesterday I posted a photo of myself & Amaya (see below for photo). I was feeling wrecked, a little half-dead & emotional. I didn’t realise how much this came through in the photo. An old friend sent me a message with a gentle reminder to fill my emotional cup (thank you, I did that today!) along with words of encouragement. I responded, thanking her and commending her on her abilities to read my dog-tired face and to feel my energy through a glance. My friend then told me that she knew I was tired because she has seen that expression before in the mirror after a rough day with her children. This amazing Mumma also reminded me to look for the small things in each moment, like the way Amaya is reaching up to my chin with her hand. This message was probably such a small gesture to her, but it made my day.
Us Mother’s have to look out for each other and that is bloody hard if we are being competitive, not loving ourselves and over-sensitive! We are all in this together. If someone is giving you advice, it is probably because they have been there before and they are trying to help you. But let’s not go out of our way to actually be an asshole yeh? A good way to measure this is how authentic you are being. If you genuinely are trying to help, then it is the other persons fault if they get offended. (Edit: we are all in desperate need of some ZzZzzZz so let’s use our kind words too!) No one is a perfect Mum, but we all try our best to be a good Mum. Let’s look out for one another, because if we band together, support each other and treat each other with love our children will be so much better off for it.
Below is a photo of wrecked, half-dead emotional Bree and Amazing Amaya. And the photo I have used to share this new blog with you is a photo of Amaya after me having some time to myself today – see how happy Amaya is? By looking after you, you are benefiting your child! You are a brilliant Mumma – you deserve it!
All my love & good energy