Dear women…

Yesterday I witnessed women viciously attack another woman on social media. It was disgusting. I was disgusted…

As women, we endure all sorts of things. The pressure of having children or a career. The pressure of being able to fall pregnant. The pressure of not having children too young or too old. The ‘tick tick’ comments. Dealing with society and the fact that we cannot do the things that men can do, without being judged. The pressure of being a good, no – GREAT Mum. Abortion. Miscarriages. Children with learning/physical/mental disabilities. Rape. The constant worry about your children. Learning to love our bodies – pre-baby and post-baby. And the list goes on. But the people that judge us the most…are other women.

We are always so quick to judge each other, compare ourselves and attack each other. Being a woman is hard. Being a Mother is hard. Being a good Mother is even harder. I was talking to a Mother of four the other day and she asked me how I am finding motherhood. I told her that it was hard, harder than I expected. She replied – “Motherhood is hard. Well, it is if you give a shit about how good of a job you are doing.” Motherhood begins the moment you conceive a baby, well I think so anyway.  It affects us all, whether we notice it or not and in different ways. Motherhood affected me physically (and being an emotional person already, emotionally) while some people are affected mentally. For a while after I had Amaya, I felt like I had failed. Like my body had failed her. But then I realised that I can blame myself all I want, it won’t get me anywhere or help us in a positive way. I also then realised that I was not a failure. I did everything the doctors told me to do, but at the end of the day, I can’t help that my body was rejecting DNA that it had recognised as not mine.

Having a miscarriage is not your fault and does not make you a failure.  Having a stillborn does not make you a failure. Not breastfeeding does not make you a failure. Having an abortion does not make you a failure or a bad person.

Those pro-life protestors would tell you differently, but they are also probably the same people that would judge you for not breastfeeding. (I legit rolled my eyes as I typed that). 

Not being able to conceive naturally does not make you a failure. Having trouble conceiving does not make you a failure.Giving your baby a dummy does not make you a failure. Postnatal depression does not make you a failure. Becoming a Mum is very overwhelming. The post-pregnancy hormones can kick you while you are down too. Whether you deliver your baby with no complications, whether you didn’t, whether you had an abortion, whether you were raped, whether you went back to work ‘too soon’, whether you put your baby in day care, whether you had a premature baby, whether you had postnatal depression, whether you don’t feel like yourself since the baby, whether you do…you are not a failure. If I am not a failure, then neither are you.

People can judge you all they want. But they do not know your situation. Even if they think they do, they don’t. This is your journey, and you are free to make your own choices. We are all in this together, why can’t we help & support each other? Is it really that hard to have compassion in your heart? If someone asks for help, try to help them. These days people are too proud to ask for help, because everyone is trying so hard to make it ‘appear’ like they are bloody kicking goals, all the time. So to ask for help is a big deal.

Some people might find this harsh, but I am honestly sick to death of women shooting each other down. What, all to make themselves feel better? Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect and I am certainly not claiming to be. But I do try my hardest to support and help other women, even if I don’t agree with their decisions, as I know that they would have their reasons and you know what…it’s not my journey! If you are coping, then more power to you. I cope too, but there are definitely times where I cry, I feel like I am a shit Mum, a shit friend, a shit girlfriend and I am more tired than I had ever thought possible. This is not to make anyone feel bad about coping.

I know that we are all busy, but please take the time out of your day to tell a girlfriend how wonderful you think she is. You could also start telling yourself this, daily.

All my love,

B Xx


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